I got several counsel ever before I asked my wife to marry me. My spiritual father said to me: “Son, there are two things that are very important. First, be sure that you heard God. Second, do not marry a woman who does not believe in God’s vision for your life. If you do, you will be frustrated for the rest of your life”. I took that counsel like a command.
A covenant friend said to me when I was complaining, “If you want a woman that is ready-made, then go to the boutique. If God has given you a teachable woman, you better rejoice”.
A senior friend concluded the deal. He said, “The same God that told you she is the one will tell you when to ask her out. Right timing is as important as the right person”.
If you are a believer with solid training, there are people in your life that you must carry along with your decision before you ever go-ahead to ask out a lady or you say “Yes” to a proposal.
You should not come after you have made a commitment. You will only be informing them. You have already made a choice. Marriage is a life-time investment, do not rush into it emotionally. You must build in such a way that you will not need to spend on repairs.
They are not to make your decisions for you but their questions and concerns will test the veracity of your claims. Remember, you are the one in love. They will not be emotional. They will be more objective in their approach.
It is pure pride to say “It is my life and it is my decision so I do not need anyone’s counsel”. The weight of the counsel of fathers, teachers and covenant friends on a marital journey is enough to save you the stress of emotional trauma in marriage.
A dear friend shared about how a protege brought the man she desired to marry. Interestingly, my friend had met the man through another lady who also introduced him as the man she wanted to marry. Both ladies are saved from a disaster.
Emotions are more powerful than we think. Be sincere with yourself. Slow down and share with those you owe accountability. Do not talk to them after you have made a decision. Talk to them first. In the midst of godly counsel, your safety is guaranteed.
Most of the issues that pastors and family meetings try to settle in marriage are actually issues that proper guidance and probing would have exposed before marriage.
When King Solomon asked that they bring a sword, the people must have wondered what was wrong with their king. The sword was not to divide the baby, it was to expose the folly of a false claim.
In the same way, when the sword of tough questions come, it is not to injure you or your intentions. The aim of accountability is to expose hidden issues that you may have glossed over. Submit your decision to the sword. It will expose the folly and promote wisdom.
May you not take the wrong steps. Do not shield the man or woman from the process. Do not lie on his or her behalf. Do not cover up for them. Be sincere. Even if there are wounds, they can be addressed before they become gangrene in marriage.
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God bless you!