I was packing my bags to travel that morning. A young man had been trying to see me. I told him we could see briefly. He came in with all excitement. There is a lady he has spotted and would love to marry.
Well! I was excited for him too. But when he went on and on about what roles the lady would play in his life, I was forced to ask him a question: “You have told me all she will do in your life. That’s great. But what will you do in her life?” He went quiet. That was the end of a romantic fantasy.
Beloved, one of the things that you must settle before marriage is this: Marriage is for two contributors and not just two consumers. There is a bone in Adam that will lead to an emergence of Eve as a woman. There is a capacity in Eve that will make the Garden Call of Adam more effective and amazing.
It is not just about the goose pimples or the skipping of hearts. You must be willing to learn and understand why God would bring you together as husband and wife. God does not do frivolous things. Marriage is not just the coming together of two people; the ultimate reason is to fulfil a divine purpose that will help both the man and the woman live a fulfilled life.
I did not have to go far to find contributors- my parents are a great example. When my mum lost her sight twenty-one years ago, my dad with some sobs picked her hands and used it to touch his own eyes while saying to her, “Darling, these are your eyes from today”. That is the depth of contribution.
In marriage, there is nothing that you have that is your own. I know what theories rooted in emotional pains and wisdom gotten from bad experiences have propagated so far but trust me, your experience can never be the mate of the Word of God.
In marriage, your body is not even your own: A wife doesn’t have authority over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband doesn’t have authority over his own body, but his wife does. 1 Corinthians 7:4 GW
Marriage is a joining of spirits. It is a coming together of souls and then ends in the coming together of the body. Crisis begins once the order is reversed. Bodies were joined and emotions were messed up! Now the spirit is unsettled.
If you explore her body before you discern her spirit, you are making a decision by observing what age will diminish rather than checking out the spirit that is ageless.
Most marriages get frustrated when a contributor marries a consumer. The contributor would give while the consumer would get and not stop getting until the contributor runs dry and gets tired.
Can you imagine where the husband is always “giving” issues and the wife gives forgiveness? Can you imagine where the husband keeps giving to meet needs and the wife keeps giving complaints that it is not enough?
There are quite some warmth deprived spouses today. Why? There is poor balance. One is contributing while the other is consuming.
Knowing and settling your role in the life of your spouse helps decision making. There are days in the marriage that it will only be commitment to the purpose and assignment that will restore the emotions, “goose pimples” and friendship.
I pray for all the singles: You will be accurate in decision making. Your emotions will not deprive you of what only the Spirit of God can supply.
I pray for the married: The hand of the Lord restore your home. There will be a resetting that brings rejoicing. Amen.